Emotional Eating with Keysa Amaro

Any time you are eating for any reason other than hunger- eating for entertainment, because you’re bored, because you are sad, etc

The idea of weight loss is actually quite simple, right?  Eat less than your body needs and it will use the fat off of your body.  Eat more than you need and you will store fat.

The problem is that we are using food to solve problems other than hunger.  Every time we try to diet, restrict, eat “healthy” foods that we don’t enjoy, is that all of the emotions that we have been stuffing down show up.  That can feel incredibly scary when we don’t know how to feel our emotions.  We don’t like to feel negative emotions.  Fear, boredom, irritation, dissatisfaction, anger, worry, shame, disappointment, guilt.  It can all feel like too much.  So we eat.

Listen to our talk about what emotional eating is, what causes it, and how to start taking steps to stop using food to buffer your feelings.

How to get in touch with Keysa:
Hire Keysa to coach you!
Check out her website here
Her Facebook here
Find her on Instagram!

Find Mary on:
Facebook
Instagram or
Send an email.  I would love to hear from you!

Resources from this episode:

Emotional Eating Worksheet

Emotions List

The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo- Listen to Episode 1 for sure!

Class Details

 1020152032_HDR Hey friends!  Have you ever started something, that at the time, felt like it was exactly the right thing, and it was exciting, motivating, and made you feel super charged?  And then something comes up in your life and all of a sudden that thing gets pushed to the side?  Okay, I am going to admit that my upcoming class became a temporary victim to this process.  I was super pumped and about to get ready… and my in-laws came to visit.  Now, this was not bad news.  I happen to love my in-laws.  They are supportive and loving and when they got here we had a great time.  We tried out some local restaurants, saw part of NC we hadn’t visited before, and had an excuse to ride the ferry!

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The only problem came about because I have two jobs.  I have my day job, where I work at a school doing counseling with elementary school kids and their families, and I have my coaching job, which I am more passionate about, but which doesn’t yet, pay all of my bills.  My office for my coaching is in my spare bedroom and the time I spend on my coaching is technically my “free” time.  If you are an entrepreneur you may know about this part of the process.  I am making more money coaching, but I haven’t gotten to the tipping point yet.

So part of this post is to announce to the world that in the next year and a half, at this time next year, (By January 2017) these two jobs will switch.  I may continue to provide mental health counseling to military families, who I also have a passion for, but in a more fitting and more part-time type of way.  I am looking into being a provider for Tri-Care and hopefully for Military One Source (a fantastic source if you are attached to the military in any way!).

The other half of this post is to announce that I have moved the dates of the class, but that it is still happening!  I wanted to be able to give you my 100% and now that things are back to semi-routine and my office is set back up I am ready to rock and roll with the Jumpstart Your Life Class.

It might not be as full of a class, since the holidays will be rolling around and some people feel that it gets to be too much. However, this means that you will get more of my attention.

Classes start November 30. We will meet 6 times, skipping the Monday right after Christmas.

The dates are:
November 30
December 7, 14, 21
January 4, and 11

The classes meet in a Google Hangout and are scheduled for Mondays at 6pm Eastern Standard Time.

If you can’t make that time of the day, send me a message about better times during the week and if I have enough interest I’ll put together a second class at another time.

Message me on facebook, give me a call or shoot me an email to confirm your spot.

marypreston.oasisforchange@outlook.com

What and who do I stand for?

I stand for:

The helpers and healers in the world.

I stand for teachers who are raising our next generation.

I stand for mental health workers – our psychotherapists, our social workers, our probation and parole officers.

I stand for our police officers who have the almost impossible job of protecting us despite our fear and sometimes outright hatred for them.

I stand for our military service members who are on the ground fighting to keep us safe from harm and to defend our freedom. (Despite not always believing in or understanding the war they are fighting).

I stand for our non-profit workers, creating massive change in their organizations.

I stand for our nurses, our medical doctors, our dietitians, our physical therapists, all of those in the medical fields.

I stand for you, who are undervalued, underpaid, who work to help others often working harder than your clients or those you are trying to help to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. I stand for you.

I believe that we need to take care of ourselves. We need to stop believing that everyone else is more important than we are.

I believe that we need a strong team of individuals who are going to stand up and say that the systems we are working in are broken. But we are not just going to complain. We are going to make significant changes that will begin to heal our society as a whole.

I believe that we CAN do this. That we do not need to keep running the rat race. That we don’t need to continue to work in jobs that keep people sick. We do not need to be a part of the systems that generate and proliferate fear.

I believe that we can change the school systems, the health care systems, the prison systems.

And I believe that when we stop living as if there is not enough, when we recognize the abundance this universe has to offer we will see that we already have the tools and resources to do it, we already have the people, we already know how. We just need to work together and stop accepting the status quo.

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Stalling Out and Waking Up

Not too long ago, my husband and I were driving down the road.  Just a routine trip to the grocery store and halfway there the car just stops.  Pfft.  Done.  We were going 55 miles per hour and then we weren’t.  We were pulled onto the side of the road at the driveway to a Walmart.  We made a few phone calls to local tow companies, found one and then sat back to wait.  And it was kind of FUN.  All of a sudden I noticed things about this road I had been up and down many times before.  I had a chance to look at all of the trash cluttering the roadside.  I saw the trees in the Croatan National Forest.  I noticed that this Walmart wasn’t a full Walmart, just what’s called a “Neighborhood Market” whatever that means.  We sat there long enough to really take it all in and think, how did we get here?

broken-down-car Our stalled car is a great metaphor for life.  So often we get caught up in the routine and the mundane.  The wake up, go to work, come home, dinner and bed routine.  And over and over again.  About 10 years ago I remember having a feeling not too different from sitting in our stalled car on the side of the road.  One day I woke up and thought, how the hell did I get here?  From the outside everything probably looked great.  I lived in Hawaii, I was with my fiance, I had a great job doing what I had gone to school for.  I had just bought a new apartment in beautiful Kailua, we had our new puppy, Titus.  I was meeting new people.  But inside I was falling apart.  The routine had brought me to a place of being extremely overweight, I was drinking several beer every evening while I watched TV and made a crappy dinner.  Nathan and I weren’t leaving the house much.  And my job in a non-profit company was slowly sucking away my soul.  Too much work for too little appreciation, monetarily or otherwise.

I looked around me and it was like I had finally taken a minute to really look around.  I started to notice things that I hadn’t before.  Things that had become so routine that I had missed them.  Little things, like the fact that the crumb catcher under the toaster needed to be cleaned, or that I didn’t have to keep putting my coffee maker in that same corner.  I started to hone in on the present moment and notice a lot of things that I had essentially been ignoring.  I had to admit to myself that I was unhappy.

I look back at the person I was then, and I give her a lot of love and a lot of credit.  There was so much unseen stress that she was dealing with.  I wish I could reach back and give her a huge hug.  A lot has changed since then.  If I hadn’t taken the time to start looking at my life, at the reality of the world, I might not be where I am today.  I might still be at that non-profit job, because they always said they needed me.  I might never have started to get supervision for my license.  I might have let myself stay very, very small.

When was the last time you took a look around?  Took the time to see the things you love and notice the things that you would change if you had the energy for it?  I encourage you to take the time right now.  Take a deep breath or two.  Look away from your screen.  Look around you.  Do you like what you see?  If not, don’t wait, now is the time for change.  Pick one thing that you can do right now, get off the computer or phone and do it.

If you’d like a little help, there’s a group of motivated individuals in the same spot you are right now.  Let’s make some changes together.

Jumpstart Your Life

Mindfulness Series Intro

big_thumb_0cc27ed9977aabb1d43d016c46c6d2b8At times my mind is like a race car.  Speeding up, slowing down around the curves, changing gears, changing lanes (maybe it’s less like a race car and more like road rage).  It can be very useful when I’m having great ideas, but it can be hard to keep on track at times.  Some might call it ADHD, or hyperactivity, or inattention, or daydreaming.  I call it ED for easily distracted because it comes without the stigma of the term ADHD and reminds me of the other ED (erectile dysfunction) and clearly I have the mental maturity of a 10 year old boy.

I heard all the hooplah about meditation and it’s health benefits and I wanted some of that, however, to get my mind to slow down was not an easy task at first.  What many people experience the first time they sit to meditate is absolutely terrifying.  Mentally you imagine yourself sitting down to “clear your mind” in the lotus position and waking up in a state of zenlike calm.  What really happens is that you find a quiet place to sit, close your eyes and… whoa.  The thoughts.  The first time you experience what buddhists call a waterfall of thoughts can really throw you for a loop.  The average person has 35 to 50 thoughts per minute.  If you have never before taken the time to notice this, it can be overwhelming to experience it for the first time.

Meditation can be scary, and uncomfortable, and well, boring. Now, years down the road I am able to sit for a 20 minute meditation of just “following the breath” or basically clearing my mind.  Somebody in a meditation class I was taking the other day asked the teacher how much and how often we should be meditating daily.  Her answer was 20 to 60 minutes once or twice daily.  What!?!?  I love this stuff and I can just make 20 minutes.  The thought of a 60 minute meditation is overwhelming and mind-boggling.

And I’ve learned, if it scares me, there’s other people out there with the same experience.  I have learned that sometimes what works for me is not going to look like the meditation of a zen monk.  In fact, most of the time, you wouldn’t have a clue that I’m meditating.  Instead of sitting in silence clearing my mind, I use a practice called “mindfulness.”  Mindfulness, like meditation is great for slowing down your mind, but where meditation tends to suggest clearing your mind, mindfulness is a very focused attention.  You are intentionally filling your mind with something.  This is way easier for me than sitting quietly and I think if you give it a try, you will find that it is easier for you, too.

In this series I will offer several different mindfulness techniques that will help you clear your mind, help you reap the stress-relieving benefits of meditation, and won’t drive you insane.

 

  1. Listening to Music
  2. Eat a Raisin
  3. Guided Meditation- Coming Soon!
  4. The Marquee- Coming Soon!
  5. Chanting- Coming Soon!
  6. Mantras- Coming Soon!
  7. Walking- Coming Soon!
  8. The Haiku- Coming Soon!
  9. Coloring- Coming Soon!

 

 

Preparing for New Year’s Goals

December is my second favorite month of the year.  July wins out because that is my birthday month, so it is full of celebration.  But December is close on its heels.  I love December for many reasons: there’s the holiday celebrations, the holiday food, the holiday music, and the gracious attitude that people seem to adopt as they count the days to Christmas.  But my favorite part of the month is its representation of the end of the year.  Over the last few years it has become a time for me to reflect on the past year and think about the next.  It gives me a chance to look at all of the challenges that I went through and to congratulate myself for the successes.  And it is a time for me to prepare for my New Year’s Goals.

How many New Year’s Goals have you successfully made and kept throughout the year?  For the majority of the population most goals are dropped by February and completely forgotten about by March.  Health clubs go through a ginormous spike in memberships during December and January.  And more than half of those people stop showing up a few months later.  Why is this?  People are usually VERY motivated at first.  They get the membership.  They buy the outfits.  They research the diets.  They get the nicotine patch.  They bite the bullet and look at their finances.  They stop buying things they don’t need.  They buy the Spanish Rosetta Stone.  They spend more time with family and friends.  But soon enough the motivation goes out the door.

I believe that we do not spend the time we should on figuring out WHY we want to reach the goals we choose.  We pick lofty goals that sound great, but when our desired outcome is superficial, or we’re trying to please someone else, we tend to lose motivation.  Want to lose weight?  Why?  Want to get out of debt? Why?  Want to stop smoking? Why?

 

If you can’t answer the question, you are likely to be one of the millions of people who drop their New Year’s Goals.  And if you answered that you just want to stop smoking because other people tell you it’s a good idea, your chances of following through are pretty slim.  But if you desire to stop smoking because you have a new baby in the house and you want to feel energetic enough to play with her, or you want to protect him by keeping second hand smoke away, now those are more likely to push you through the year.

So what if you can’t answer the why or you’ve just figured out you have no motivation past pleasing your spouse?  Journaling is my first recommendation for most problems.  The process of writing helps you get clear on what you perceive the problem to be, and helps slow down your thinking when it comes to solutions.  You can also go back and look at your writing if you lose motivation or need to remember something you’ve forgotten.  For those who don’t like writing, drawing a picture, cutting out pictures, or recording voice memos can be helpful as well.  Here’s some journal exercises that I have done over the years to get really focused on my goals and helped me follow through.

  •  Write down what you think your goals should be.  Then ask yourself the question, “Why?”  and write the answer.  Continue to ask yourself a few times until you feel like you’ve really gotten to the answer.  An example-  “I want to stop drinking.”  Why?  “Because I have gained weight and been less motivated to do work.”  Why? “Because I feel unhealthy.”  Why? “My wife is unhappy with me.” Why? “Because I feel unhealthy and I’m not taking care of myself.” Why?  “I want to feel healthy and take care of myself.”  Why? “Because I want to be healthy enough to take care of myself and take care of my wife.”-  Now there’s motivation to stop drinking.
  • Write down previous goals that you have made in the past.  Free write about any challenges or successes you had while meeting those goals.
  • Write out your fantasy life.  Write how everything would be different if you met your goal. All of the things you would be able to do, places you’d be able to go, or things you’d be able to have.  Get precise and specific.

Now that you’ve gone a little deeper with your goals, it’s time to evaluate if they need to be rewritten.  Continuing with the example above, wanting to stop smoking because of the new baby in the house, maybe you realize that it’s not just about cigarettes.  You want to feel energetic enough to play with your baby and keep both of you healthy.  Quitting smoking might only be a part of this goal.  Writing your goal in a more positive frame will help keep you on the right track, even when things get hard.  Your new goal might be “By February I will be able to have the energy to spend at least 8 hours with the baby.”  Framing your goal in this way might help you make decisions not just about smoking, but about exercise and healthy eating as well.  And if you give in and have a cigarette, you have not “failed your goal.”  You don’t have to give up.  You have the motivation of spending time with your baby to keep trying.

What goals do you have for the New Year?  What is the motivation behind it?  How will you keep the motivation to make it all the way through to December 2014?  Comment below!

Life Coach Client Goals

Wondering what a life coach can do for you?  Here are just a few examples of what you can achieve working with the right person.

Life Coach Client Goals

  • Be able to listen to your intuition
  • Be able to value your time
  • Be able to list your strengths, talents, and achievements
  • Be able to accept money without guilt
  • Change your attitude from that will never happen to how can I make it happen
  • Be able to question your thoughts
  • Have a clear vision of your desired future
  • Be able to list your Core Desired Feelings- Danielle Laporte
  • Be able to tell people what you do, not what you do for employment
  • Be able to see your 9-5 as your side job, your investor, your bridge job (unless you love it)
  • Be able to give without looking for anything in return
  • Be able to love yourself and all of your quirks
  • Be able to show up as your complete authentic self with others
  • Be able to physically touch others with love and caring
  • Be able to create and give away value knowing that you will get more back in return
  • To never use money as an excuse
  • Be able to look at money as an energy and commodity, a tool for your use, not an end goal
  • Be your own best friend
  • Be able to love your body fully in any shape or form it’s in
  • Be able to look yourself in the mirror and feel love and pride
  • Be able to create
  • Be able to have a healthy relationship with food
  • Be able to have a healthy relationship with exercise
  • Be able to have a healthy relationship with drugs and alcohol
  • Be able to identify your fears and challenges
  • Be able to act with courage when afraid
  • Be able to find tools to help you stay organized
  • Be able to forgive yourself for being too (insert put down of choice)
  • Be able to love yourself for being too (insert put down of choice)
  • Be able to list at least 5 people who are true supporters in your life
  • Be able to set boundaries with people in your life that drain your energy in some way

Are you working on any of these goals?  What resources do you use?  Share with us in the comments section, we’d love to hear your thoughts!

My Current Home

Fear and perfection getting in you way? Take a small leap, you won’t regret it.

20130923-Man-Jumping-Off-CliffSo this is my first post on this site.  It is going to be short and sweet, and it is not going to be my best piece of writing.  I have had the website up and running for over a month now.  And I have not posted once.  I have 4 draft posts waiting.  Not one of them is completed.  An old habit of mine has been kicking in.  Here’s how it usually goes.

1.  I have an awesome idea.  Seriously, I come up with some good ones.

2. I get started.  Who wouldn’t love to hear about this/learn about this/have one of those?

3. It doesn’t look exactly the way I pictured it.  It isn’t perfect.  The fear starts to kick in.  Who’s going to want that?  They can get that anywhere!  It isn’t ___________ enough!

4. The idea goes onto the list.  The list of things that I have not finished due to perfectionism and fear.

Luckily, over the course of the last few years I have done a lot of research on this and have discovered that the best way to get over the fear is to just do it anyway.  There is no magic wand that will make it feel easier or less scary.  And even if your worst fears come true (someone will make hateful comments! they will hate me! they will tell everyone that my website sucks and no one will ever hire me!) they won’t kill you.

And so, here it is.  The completely imperfect, not amazing, but hopefully useful to someone first post on the Oasis For Change website.  The good news is, there’s so much room for improvement!  Now that the ball is rolling I can get over my fear and start posting all of the goodies that I’ve been hoarding in my draft folder.

Is something holding you back from moving forward on a project?  You are 1000 times more likely to make a step in the right direction when you tell someone about it.  Test this theory.  Post your comments below! Tell us what the project is and what step you will take in the next week to get moving.  I will make every effort to reply to all comments.

If you’re like, “Whoa, this is so awesome, I wish there was more!” You can read some of the posts I’ve written in the past on my Blog called Find Your Joy.